Tis looking like I'll be a single gal when I turn 30... Not something I ever imagined would be happening to me. I thought I'd at least be in a serious relationship and not 'single'. Oh and not moving to a new country alone... So here I am, listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers (they always put me in a good mood), trying not to think too much! It's the kinda music you listen to in the summer, driving down to the beach with the windows down, screaming what you think the lyrics are (?) at the top of your lungs with your best friends... carefree & happy.
I am moving to Milan December 1st. Everything & nothing feels right about this decision. It's like going to the dentist: you're fucking shitting yourself on your way there, you're dizzy and shaking in the waiting room, you're crying for both God and you're mother during the appointment, cursing God and your mother as the anaesthesia wears off, but in a couple days, you're relieved you went and the pain is a distant memory. You know what I mean, no?? It's not going to be easy, I will shed some tears, but it's all for the best.
Both Jules & Jim have found themselves some chicas... It's not often one's rejected by not one, BUT TWO men in just a couple of months. Not sure if I'm thick skinned, emotionally retarded or whether I've hidden my sentiments deep down and they will pop by for a visit at the most inopportune of moments, but I don't feel too overturned by these affairs. Maybe I am just being really cerebral and air sign about this... or maybe this is maturity?? heck I hope not, it's so boring not being emotional!!
I'm not saying I need everything to be really complicated, just a bit more chaotic, emotional, exciting... Not hysterical, just exhilarating! I want to laugh more too, I don't laugh enough - I want to be less controlled, more flippant & careless!
I know what you're thinking, "Miss Leeloo, be careful what you wish for, be careful." Fuck it! You only live once!
