I haven't had a fixed home since...

I haven't had a fixed home since August. The reason I haven't had a fixed home is because I was planning to move back to the mainland, so I moved out of my home and put all my belongings into storage, hoping that this would jump-start my move. I haven't moved back to the mainland yet because I haven't really been looking for jobs or applying for any jobs and that's because I have been procrastinating on completing my CV. I have been procrastinating on writing my CV because I don't know where I want to live nor what type of jobs I should go for. 

Please tell me that you identify with the above...? Some advice please.

PS: the reason I want to move back to the mainland is because I am currently living in London and I hate the place. I'm looking to move to either Switzerland (where I grew-up), France (am half-French), Spain (I lived there for 4yrs and am fluent in Spanish), or Italy (I am learning the language and it would be nice to become fluent).

PPS: the crazy girl in me is considering a move to Asia or Latin America.

The Guy That Runs My Corner Shop!

The guy that runs my corner shop, he’s the type of guy who always likes to talk and doesn’t expect a response; if you try to say anything, he’ll talk over you! So as a result, you know that when he starts talking to you it’s gonna be a monologue, a one way discourse on his terms; the monologue will end when he choses it to and your only role in this “act” is to nod and look like you’re listening. I don’t mind doing this from time to time but when I pop in on the way home from work to buy my Evian, Soya yoghurts and fruit, it’s a bit more ‘pesante’ if you get my drift! Anyways, he choses tonight, the night I went to see Pedro Almodovar’s movie “Volver”, to embark on one of the dreaded monologues, informing me of his ability to foresee the deaths of his customers in his dreams!!!

 

Ok, “Volver” in a way is about the emotions between the women in a family, but it also covers the superstitions that are often relished in “L’Espana Profunda”, one being that the dead coming back to haunt the living... So when the guy that runs my corner shop starts going on about predicting the deaths of his clients in his dreams I must say, I felt slightly freaked out and I believed everything he said... Four times he has predicted the death of someone and every single time, “God” (or Gilgamesh) is in his dreams, forcing him to be a witness to the deaths. In his dreams, he’s confused as his first thought is that it is his own death he is witnessing. But that is impossible, humans cannot dream of their own deaths.

 

Anyways, I asked him to please let me know if I ever appeared in his dreams!

On the topic of paranoia and other mental ailments...

I’d like to touch on the subject of insanity. I sometimes think about mental illnesses and whether there are any tell-tale signs that in the end (or God forbid, earlier than "the end"), I’ll end-up dribbling in a mad house.

 

My curiosity on this subject and the prediction of its intent, is I guess linked to my need to believe that I can predict my own future - that there is no destiny. That is because I like to think that I am in control of my life, which is a hoax I know, but it makes me feel safe. Coincidentally, I also am a fan of the idea that there are loads of surprises ahead which I have no control over (Schizophrenia anyone??). This duality is seen in so many of my beliefs and therefore makes it often very hard for me to make a decision; I’m always in limbo, on the tight-rope thinking “Do I go left, do I go right, will I fall?” and wasting my time. I have no idea whether this is a sign of my “impending mental illness” or is it because I don’t understand the concept of “faith”, but I’ll leave the latter theory for a whole other blog.

 

I once read that people who took a lot of X & Charlie were more susceptible to illnesses such as Alzheimers; that people who smoked too much weed can develop paranoid tendencies, phobias, OCD, etc... Hence my paranoia about mental illnesses... It’s MAD I tell ya!! muahahahaha!!!