I swear I'm not unhappy...

When you read this blog, you might be saying to yourself "jeez this girl is a miserable cow!" - I must therefore apologize for leading you to this misconception. I am not unhappy, I'm actually quite a happy chica, almost always positive, but when I'm not, I find solace in writing... thus (hopefully) explaining the general melancholy of this blog. 

I have a lot to be happy about (by no means am I now gloating but just returning my gratitude to our planet): I have the most amazing group of friends, spread vastly throughout the world, I love them dearly, they are my life source, my sunlight, they remind me of who I am when I'm lost; I have a good job that pays my ways, although it is a tough job, tough in the sense that I am continuously fighting battles at work, tough in the long hours, tough because I have no support from my boss BUT I love the challenges it entails, I love learning, for example what "check the box" means in US tax terms; I love my mother, I have a very entertaining, intelligent and caring mother, which most definitely makes up for having one of the worst fathers on the planet; my family is completely insane, the older generation have a lot of faults but the younger generation rocks and make me proud as I lead them by being the oldest of the 7 grand-children; I have a man that I love, a man I know I will love for the rest of my life, Mon Jules, yes, Mon Jules is my love, he is not with me yet, our paths have not yet met for their trip to eternity, but I know we will get there, our love will conquer good and evil, our children will be a gift to our world and although eternal love is not an easy feat, I know we will survive; lastly but not least, I love myself, not in an egocentric way at all, but in the way that I know myself, my faults, my trials and tribulations, my outlook on life, my capacity to love unconditionally, my qualities, my ability to look wide-open eyed around me and not disregard others, my idiosyncrasies - I can look back on my 29rs and appreciate the orbit I have flown, thank you 'je de moi'.

Thank you life for everything you have given me until now.

me fai piangere

I'm lost to the world, to my world. 

I had you. I lost you. You lost me. 

Now am at the edge of a cliff, not to jump as I love being alive, 

but just to relate to the fear of almost falling - this is how you've made me feel. 

I know I stepped up to where I now stand, I know that I was once strong enough to go there, to stand there and wait for you; the wind is fierce, the cold is drumming itself down my spine, yet I still wait for you my love. 

I believe. I believe in you, in us. So I stand strong. And I wait. I wait for you to wake-up, for you to come and take me with you. 

I am your stone, your pillar. I love you.

Nature is beauty... Japanese style!

• Night, and the moon!
• My neighbor, playing on his flute -
• out of tune!
• by Kojo

Covered with the flowers,

• Instantly I'd like to die
• In this dream of ours!
• By Etsujin

Furu ike ya

kawazu tobikomu

mizu no oto
----
The old pond;
A frog jumps in -
The sound of the water.

by Matsuo Basho

Everything I Cannot See by Charlotte Gainsbourg

I feel you all around me

you are everything i cannot see

as the ocean crawls onto the shoreline so you lap at the edges of me

and now, as i'm walking i know that you're watching me move

for as much as i need you i must walk away from you

you're my life, you're my hope, you're the chain, you're the rope

you're my god, you're my hell, you're the sky, you're myself

you're the reason i'm living, you're all that i have to discover

you're the rain, you're the stars, you're so near, you're so far

you're my friend, you're my foe, you're the miles left to go

you are everything i ever wanted and you are my lover

so i carry, i carry the flowers, the flowers that are dead in my hands

they will rise up at the very sight of you

they will naturally understand that today is the day

that we find out once and for all

now you know i must leave here, you must let me stand or fall

you're my life, you're my hope, you're the chain, you're the rope

you're my god, you're my hell, you're the sky, you're myself

you're the reason i'm living, you're all that i have to discover

you're the rain, you're the stars, you're so near, you're so far

you're my friend, you're my foe, you're the miles left to go

you are everything i ever wanted and you are my lover

if i leave will you follow can i put my faith in you

you're my life, you're my hope, you're the chain, you're the rope

you're my god, you're my hell, you're the sky, you're myself

you're the reason i'm living, you're all that i have to discover

you're the rain, you're the stars, you're so near, you're so far

you're my friend, you're my foe, you're the miles left to go

you are everything i ever wanted and you are my lover

and i love you now as i loved you then

but this island life just had to end

but you will allways be my special friend

i will carry you with me and we can love again

now the drizzle soaks us to the skin

and the stars hang like a noose

so let's face this together now this storm is finally through

you're my life, you're my hope, you're the chain, you're the rope

you're my god, you're my hell, you're the sky, you're myself

you're the reason i'm living, you're all that i have to discover

you're the rain, you're the stars, you're so near, you're so far

you're my friend, you're my foe, you're the miles left to go

you are everything i ever wanted and you are my lover