I have been so bizarre this year

I have been so bizarre this year - I am actually not really "feeling": I feel just a little bit sad, a little bit angry, a little bit tired, a little bit happy... This numbness is so mediocre. 

I keep on thinking that this must be the calm before the storm, as if this big massive event in my life was about to fall upon me and hit me, causing me to feel a lot of everything. This 'numbness' is causing me to be so careless and absentminded, if you put me in white room with no possessions telling me that I could stay there as long as I liked, you'd please me. I don't believe this status of mine to be depression, as I can achieve the status of 'a little bit sad' but then what is it? And here, I can say the inquisitiveness ends, why? Cos I'm only 'a little bit inquisitive'. My friend (I care so little that I can't remember who) told me that... ooops, I literally forgot my thought mid-sentence. Oh yes, that I am enjoying living ina state of unknown, so the reason I am not really feeling anything, is to maintain myself in that state of indecision, a state which I'm accustomed to living in, that I relish living in (only 'a little bit').

Another way to explain my immunity (in case you don't really understand what I mean by numbness) is that I don't feel, just remember the way I should feel when a certain situation arises, the way I would have felt in the past. For example, when I lost my camera, which I remember loving greatly, I just shrugged my shoulders and thought "oh well", but I SHOULD have been upset, or pissed off, and I thought of how I would have reacted a few months ago - I would have been well pissed off, telling the world, imagining all the situations in which I would need that camera, picturing all the locations the camera had travelled to and so forth, not a shrug and an 'oh well'! Another example, a situation which just occurred this very instant, I only used on exclamation mark: I am a renowned over-user of the exclamation mark, but just the one took great effort. I am like the girl who burns her hand in the fire and should remember never to put her hand to the flames again, but who does, feeling nothing, just remembering the pain, not feeling it. 

If I was in a horror film or a bad movie, the above are all tell-tale signs that I am actually dead but have realized it yet.